A Postcard to Unfaithful Walls

4-1-12
Your words
like postcards from the past
arrive on the doorstep of my dreams.
silly and frilly
among the daisies laughing heads,
soft and mellow
alongside the steady breathing
animals and scents.
Each one signed with
your sparkling
Laugh, and a windblown kiss.
Each foot tread
echos now
with a warning ring.
They're forgetting,
 and I don't know how
to remember to forget it myself.
I'd rather it be gone forever,
then be the last one holding on.
When I told you I was moving forward,
I didn't really mean it.
Or I didn't want to.
I just prayed you'd be proud.
Prayed you could see that my heart was
yours only.
But...
It's all gone now.
I can never go back and let myself drift.
to pretend that it's still all ok,
 and you're right around the corner
in your favorite rocking chair
reading a book to your baby.
But I know I'm being silly.
Silly Dream.
Silly me.
I forgot that 2,000 miles away is a place
that still doesn't get me any closer to you.
I forgot that the emptiness you left
is being filled with strangers.
who don't know or care
who's memories they're walking on.
I guess the walls that held me
will hold them too...
unfaithful things.
I want to pound my fists
on their strong protective
chests. 
To be bought and sold
like they don't breath like me.
And silent still.
Not saying a word in my defense.
those windows saw it all, too.
they knew my pain, my shame, my nights
and days.
they carried my tears
as I watched you leave
and as I waited for you to come back.
Day
after
week.
year after year.
Blind, silly hope.
So maybe that's where my dreams come from.
it's just the reflection
off the back of my eyes.
trying to rid my heart
of those days.
But something is holding on.
they're catching somewhere in the labyrinth of  my chest,
ripping.
tearing.
wrapping around my lungs and heart
until I scream myself awake.
they're still in there.
Stuck.
Lost in the maze.