I'm a snowflake

 1-19-11
~I am a Snowflake.
Yes! I am.
Up, somewhere in the sky, I was created.
Tiny, Intricate, different from everyone else.
I'm Here!
Arms stretched above my head
Catching the air. 
Laughing,
Singing as I start my downward fall.
Swirling,
Smiling,
Happy and free.
I'm flying!
Dancing across the black night.
I have no idea where I'm going
But God does.
I'm a snowflake.~

Legands

I found a few old photos on my computer that once, about three years ago, inspired me to attempt writing a novel. Needless to say it never got finished, and wasn't very good. But, finding this picture reminded me of my fascination with Cemeteries. SO weird. I know. I haven't ever been able to explain it, but something about all the silent history there just inspires me. 

It's not necessarily a fascination with death, don't get me wrong. Death and I have a truce: I don't think about it too hard, and God will get me to the end and I don't have to worry about it. lol. I met death at an early age, but that's another story.

It's the history that I love.

 Across the road from my house is an old cemetery. Not many people are buried there anymore, it's pretty old. the oldest grave I've found is from the late 1800's.  On the other side of my house, across the highway and at the top of a hill in a field, is another one from the civil war. !! major history. Wives, Children, and soldiers that all died in the early to mid 1800's. I often wonder about their lives and loves, victories and heartbreaks. I wish I had some way of knowing. What words of wisdom would they have imparted to me?

Last Summer I went there a few evenings a week and watched the sun set from a perch I found in an ancient three guarding the graves. I wrote this poem on a night like that.

 5-9-10

Here in peaceful serenity
I rest
Feeling the sun slip over goodbye
Behind me
Memories and age old trees
Watching over
Like guardians of time
The ground around me bare
My mind wandering here and there
As i sit on hallowed ground
Old glory beams
From our tri colored emblem
Whippoorwills call and doves coo
Above the ground
Where liberty's cost sleeps
Forever
Vitality has no place
Reality has no space
In this

A graveyard of the past.

 With Greater Love,

~*Anna*~

HE would die for me.

"Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand is
I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my head on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
No, no, no, no"  - Bruno Mars, "Grenade"

This may seem a little strange, but I was listening to this song on the radio last night, and it hit me: I think this is how God feels about me sometimes. I understand that it was written about a woman, and the rest of the verses have lyrics to indicate thus, but just look at this Chorus.

Jesus DID die for me. But given the chance, would I do the same?

It makes me think.

With Greater Love,
 ~*Anna*~

Six Gifts

  Six gifts. Six gifts given to every baby girl when she breaths her first breath of earth air. Passion, Innocence, Love, Strength, Trust, and Faith. Every breath she takes from that moment on is Life's attempt to tear those gifts out of her fingers.

   Her Passion is what makes people take a second look. it's that flip of her hair, the look in her eye. It's the spring in her step as she runs after what she wants. It's the kiss that makes boys head spin. It's what keeps her chin up when nothing goes the way she planned.

 Innocence serves her well until an illusion makes her give some away. It's the smile in her eye when someone special walks by. It's the way she holds on to fancy and fiction. the way she still believe in Peter Pan and pixy dust.


   Love. Maybe the gift that lasts after time, age, and disappointment have given her life a jaded tone. Love remains. Her love for God. Her love for others. A special reserve for her special someday-someone.

   Strength makes her stand when she wants to fall. Strength is what allows the tears to be shed, but not to break her. Strength is her anger when the weak are wronged. When she see's people she loves throw away potential.
 
Trust is the most temporary of all the gifts. It's delicate, made of thin tissue paper. easily given and received at first, but after time wears away the shine, it becomes carefully guarded. and only shown to others on the rarest of occasions.  to be trusted with a piece of this gift is the most treasured of all.

Faith. what holds it all together when there is no logic or reasoning to fall back on. It's what keeps her steps even, and safe when rocks, roots, and temptation lay in her path. It's the star in the sky she looks to every night. it's the words she whispers to herself when her heart is bleeding a little. It's the Life inside her that makes everything else slightly less significant. it's the Safe place to run.

 This girl, given six gifts, must use what she has been given to live a life that would make her Father proud. when she sees Him for the first time, He'll ask her what she did with them. and she'll give Him her story.

What are you doing with your six gifts?

With Greater Love,
 ~*Anna*~

Kisses, Moon, and Stars

A few poems I've written over the last few months. :)

11-28-10
 ~The moon to me demonstrates a concept of faithful awareness.
 sometimes during the day, even when everything is ok,
I look up and there she is
a shadow
pale and distant
but here.
The sun is shining, and everything is alright.
but she just lets me know she's watching.
she hasn't left.
then, at night, when shadows become enemies
and trees whisper angry secrets above my head
She's there. Bright. Brilliant. shinning away the gloom.
pointing my view heavenward. ~


1-3-11
~Walking this small town's empty streets
Wishing the piano would stop playing at me
Hearing the notes blend into tune
The goodbye song i wrote for you

Whispers circle in my mind
Fearful thoughts get out of line
Carefully constructed boundaries
Break as teardrops turn into memories

Dreamers dream a thousand lies
But I've been there too many times
Empty silence i never meant to allow
Silent graves of love gone now

Raindrops and tears like kisses on my lips
Love hate and years have created tiny rips
In the delicate fabric of my soul
I wanted so badly not to tell him no.

Dancing lightly on his feet
Deception comes to rescue me
Lies I won't believe this time
A hope and future HE made mine. ~


1-5-11
~Where are the stars when I need them?
Even they have abandoned my skies
I can't find my way without them!
I don't care what anyone says,
I believe She's watching me from one of them.
I look at the sky every night.
When it's black, I can't help but cry.
I need my stars.
But when they are there,
Millions,
I lay in bed and watch carefully.
If i someday find the right one,
She'll smile.
I miss that smile.
Maybe, while our eyes are locked
for just a few moments,
my heart will be whole.
just for the moment.
I'd have her back.
I'd find her every night.
And talk like she was really here.
Is is a little pathetic to find comfort in such fancy?
Probably.
But I need my stars.~

Introducing me

Well, hello, blog reader, you.
    <3 Welcome to my blog. <3
 I'm going to like this whole sharing thoughts thing. I ask you not to judge me!
 I write some poetry, though it doesn't always rhyme. I sing songs that no one else knows. I spend hours laying in bed watching stars while I should be sleeping. I'm not normal. And here, if only here, I'm not going to try (or pretend) to be.

 With Greater Love,
  ~*~ Anna ~*~