Baby Mine, My Joy

"I can't, no I won't, make it through one more loveless bruise. You don't know what I've been through..."

"Joy"
March 11, 2012

It's 3 am
and I know I'm not awake
but for as many times
as I've lived this dream
it may as well be.
as Real as your tiny hands
on my face
as you sleep softly.
my dream can remember...
the way you felt so small on my chest
but so huge inside it.
Such a large chunk of my heart.
My broken heart.
How your baby lips
finding out how to smile at me
were the soothing balm
to my shattered reality.
When I slept,
you were there curled in the crook of my arm.
Your eyelashes long and fluttery to your baby dream.
I matched my breathing to yours
so I wouldn't wake you.
When you cried, so did I.
when you hurt, I hurt too.
I was your world, for the moment.
I sang you away into a better dream then I could give you.
I rocked you into the night,
and gave you the best hours and days of my life.
I gave you my life.
I was yours
but You weren't mine.
My lifeline
but hers.
It's ok that you won't remember,
 cause I do.
and I hold these memories like I held you.
Close and dear.
Holding on for dear life.
You're my Joy in the dark days.