Narnia and Neverland

I can't do this.
My flesh is so weak,
and I miss her so much.
I can remember when I'd lie in bed
late at night
always watched by my star.
The one hanging right above the Maple tree.
Maybe I never really believed it,
but I wanted to.
That it was her and she could see.
She was watching my tears fall
and they were joined with hers way up there.
But then life happened
and it was all gone before I could say
"Neverland".
Oh how I wish I could find Neverland.
I do believe in fairies! I do!
but first I'd need a time machine.
I wouldn't want to stay this me forever.
Take me back to saddle shoes and
dandelion wishes.
Back when I could spend hours telling myself stories
about Narnia, 
the world inside my sandbox.
She skipped inside to warm her grass-stained
icy feet.
That little girl never suspected
that someday she'd be the one in a strange, war torn world...
and the wardrobe was about to close.
She'd be forever unable to return to the Lamp Post.
Home and Safe were normal.
I can't do this.
My flesh is so weak!
Give me arms or an escape.
Can't my dreams be more
than just night time torture?
Beauty and  Death
tangled so inseparably...
unutterably clear and misty when I do see her...
like the sky right before night sweeps in.
She never stays long...
just long enough to tuck the night it,
kiss the top of my head,
and tell me that Mama's here.
On the tip of my tongue
my lifetime of questions, answers, and love.
But before my stubborn lips can move...
Gone.
No Neverland.
No Narnia tonight.
Just the stars, and me on this boathouse.
As close as I can get for now.