The Clock Is Winning. *ding*

June Sixteenth, Two Thousand and Eleven -

Words I want to say.
That you want to hear.
A whole part of me broken into pieces.
The pieces are sharp like blades in my chest.
If I try to create a word picture for you
to let you see what's there,
to let you inside...
the Blades get angry.
they tear me apart from the inside out.
If you could see the bleeding scars.
If you could see the battle wounds...
You wouldn't hate me for my silence.

June Eighteenth, Two Thousand and Eleven -


I want to grab these flying moments,
like a runaway train,
with both hands.

I want to set my feet in the dirt 
and not give a single inch.

Not until I'm ready.
But I'm not!
I'm not ready.

I don't want to say
all of these heart twisting Goodbyes.

Not now.
Not ever.
I'm Not ready.

I want to fight time,
fist to fist,
second for second on the clock,
and win.

I want it to STOP.
Now.
Right Now.

It's all like sand running though my fingers...
I can't close my fingers.

I can't.
Not if my life depended on it.
Not Now.
I'm not ready.
Not Ever.

That Moment

You know that moment? That Moment? I've had many, really.

In That Moment, you know that everything is changing inside of you. some for good, sometimes bad. but it's a choice you've made, or a decision someone made for you that will change your life forever.

That Moment. I stood silently. Cascading drops of silent heartbreak, shaking, trembling hands and legs keeping me anchored to the ground I didn't want to be on. the cursed, cold, half frozen ground. Half frozen, but almost alive with the grief that swirled in my stomach and almost pulled me under. scentless flowers, and ribbons decorating death's cold metal surface. beautiful and ugly and haunting. unforgettable. I can't remember if anyone was touching me or not. my skin was as numb as my soul. I remember the spike of my high heels sinking into the ground, and hoping the rest of me would follow. into the ground so I didn't have to see this anymore. That moment, I stopped. I turned around, and took a last glimpse of what I'll never see again lowered into the earth. That moment a part of me stopped beating to get out, and lay cold inside.


That Moment. The poison I thought would soothe my wounds was so close to my lips. His eyes begging me for a taste, hands securely in my own. Just a taste, Right? I thought. Every promise I'd ever made ran trough the window of my mind. Every word I'd read, heard, or spoken drifted in the air between us. He was waiting for me. He knew that if he made the first move, and it ended badly I could blame him for it. he was smarter then that. My toes barely touched the ground, my head was far above, and my heart was sinking far beneath. I counted to ten, but only half a second had past. "So?" he asked, lips brushing my forehead. I looked deeply into the dark shadows of his eyes, and saw the desire. He wanted me. wait... what? he wanted me? no one wanted me. Alright. I lifted my face and smiled. That moment, I handed him my kiss without another word. and then, it was gone. I couldn't take it back. It was his. The poison tasted better then I had imagined. But it didn't soothe a thing. salt in a wound, more like.

and those are just two. what are your moments? email me! I'd love to hear. :) curliefries@gmail.com

~ <3 Anna <3 ~